Desolate or Fullness?

mi familia

I’m the ‘baby’ of the fam.. what that means is you often feel “special” when you grow up… and even when your don’t feel special- you feel special because your have a lot of favor, with everyone in the fam. For this reason I’ve favored, I believe ‘special relationships” have always been like really important to me. Growing up, I would try to make every kid I know feel special… especially the little friends I had who were easily hurt by words because they didn’t look like everyone else, smell like everyone else, or have a family like everyone else.

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The ‘friends’ I knew would be people lI found time to be kind to because I knew they didn’t have the same resources I had, or seemed lonely. My mother noted that when young, I was really compassionate. I didn’t understand how people who had so many needs could be treated so unkind by others. It just didn’t seem fair. And so, whenever I could, I would try to smile or talk to them and just be a kind face and notice them. My mother taught me the importance of kindness. She was a teacher, and would take me to school sometimes with her and she’s show me how to treat the kids kindly – because some of them had special needs, in her classroom setting. I learned how to be considerate of others, very young. My mother didn’t know, (or perhaps she did know) that I was a “social worker in the making.”

Family was important to me when i small, and still is important. Several of my siblings are compassionate. I have a sibling who have bee pastors, another who’s been a coach, and several who are social workers in my family. When I was little my big brothers and sister were ‘everything’ to me. This ‘specialness’ I found came with certain privileges- and because of the privileges – I’ve always was wanted to be around them, up under them, would try to sleep in my brothers rooms often and my sisters , too…at times. Some would call it spoiled, other would call it ‘well-loved’.. and whatever it was , i’m learning today, it was really ok. It didn’t ruin me. This kind treatment showed me how to love on’ folk. And that was just plain ole’ goodness.

I remember most of this goodness as being special memories with my family- how as a family we’d go on long car rides to the country ; and go to cabins in the woods ; trip rides to LaGrange, GA and do things together as a fam… because that was family to us. I just loved being with my family.

Family was so special, It never occurred to me that one day I wouldn’t have my own biological children. I am grateful for those who have become family, for me and weren’t even related to me. My womb did not naturally produce my own children, and this is huge. I have what i consider to be “children” who are mine, and others have birthed – yet they are my kids, because spiritually I’ve played a huge part in their development. ( They may not know it, but I’ve been there.) There’s a scripture in the Bible that says: “more are the children of the desolate one-she will have many more children.”Galatians 4:7 This means something to me. (It means I have more children than I really know.)

I searched the word ‘desolate’ & it led me to the word agape. Agape means a “God-kind of love”- in the purest sense of the word it means the highest kind of love you can give humans. I had to pause here, because it made me think less about what I didn’t have, and although children were never born from my womb; the children I couldn’t have – gave me a greater love that was borne for those who needed it, perhaps even more than those born with their naturals parents. And “crossed my paths” they did! Crazy . Inasmuch as I would have loved to have bio children, the blessing of not having children has made me more spacious for welcoming and cherishing and inviting more ‘children ‘ in – more space to love on and be warm and kind to those who come across my path to nurture more fully.

Agape love is a love that’s redemptive; lasting and eternal. It’s more than enough. Hmm…Fits perfectly.

Grateful to know God chose me as His ‘carrier’ of such love. I’m definitely feeling the impact and the grace it’s left over these 54 years of life and in my profession, ministry and life path. As a teacher, professor a social worker, chaplain, leader, diversity trainer, missionary, therapist and life coach… life has shown ‘my children’ to have so much more because I had the precious time to invest in them.
Selah.🦋

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Being Enough & Being Wise.

I was inspired by this series after I participated in a  Celebrate Recovery group and  talking about feeling “helpless”. It was a process for me to discuss in group, because as soon as I  spoke about why I tend to feel worried and procrastinate on some things, I realized that  This vulnerable space I often feel between  not worrying and trusting God  causes me to feel way too vulnerable.  I Am  Enough Because I Am Wise. So what does it really mean to be wise? Does being wise mean… to be humble? Does it mean we should consult with someone else who has  good advice, can problem-solve, help us manage our lives better or may give good counsel? Or does it mean simply having good sense In knowing how to respond? Perhaps. …Or maybe it means being still enough to take care of our lives  because we care enough about our lives to be safe, discerning and aware. Perhaps where I am wisest is when I spend time in the presence of friends. I have wise friends. There is a scripture in the bible that says : “There is safety in a multitude of counselors.” Proverbs 11:14 I love that scripture. It has resounded over the years with me. I have realized over time that perhaps the best  acumen, has come from  having “experience” as my  teacher. With all my experiences, I have  gained such rewarding  insight from friends who have “showed up”  in my own personal struggles, when I needed such wisdom, – and  sowed complete love and admonition  for me,  and their wise actions and advice, benefited me greatly.  The intuition  and  inspiration was on an entirely different level and  completely humbling most of the times, because I allowed them to pour into me, and  I trusted them.   As a result, I have  compassion for  them and for others who have experienced similar situations.  It led me to  write my book, Red Sea Situations. I have many women “mentors”  that have guided me over the years, and who have also  guided me in counsel, and one of them is my mother. I’ve placed her picture here  of my mom, because Mom has been over the years one person who has supported my dreams more than I have even believed in them. I remember when my ‘far-fetched’ dream of traveling to South Africa  came as an opportunity. Mom was so concerned about me traveling so far not really knowing the people very well, and being safe.  I was traveling with someone  knew, but had not known them for very long. She was excited for me. And so.. She reminded me if ‘God gave you that opportunity, Jennifer – I will have to trust in His divine plan for your life.” That was so humble of her. To trust God beyond seeing her ‘babygirl’ – at age of 38 years –  going so far. She had to place me in God’s hands. And you know that’s cool because God gave her that strength. she expected it to keep her in wisdom, and so wisdom  came. Mom over the years has supported me in several endeavors, but most of all she has led me to discern friendships that are also “safe emotionally and spiritually.”  I believe this is a lesson all mothers should teach their children. I believe one of the most humbling  situations I experienced, was  a friend who helped me when I had no where else to go. She had always told me, because she knew I was going through a hard time no matter when or what time it was, whenever I needed a place to go, I could just stop by. One night i thought I was close to losing it, and i knew if I didn’t get out of the house,  I would .  So indeed, I  went over and it was about ten fifteen pm. When I arrived at her  door, her husband answered, he smiled, and  didn’t say a word. All  he said was: “She’s  is upstairs, go ahead on up.” Clearly, I had been crying, and I slipped past him. When I go to the top of the stairs,  I heard her talking to her boys  in a very sacred moment, and she said , “Come on in, Jenn.” She was there with the two of them, they were about three and six years old, and  she was hugging on them in bed. She made space for me, and  welcomed me in me bed with them. We didn’t talk much that night, we just laid there in quiet and peace. Her boys smiling and  she interacting and mothering them, and I quietly watched them enjoy and love on one another. I’ve  never felt so welcomed. …And to this day, our bond is unbreakable. Now, this has nothing to do with me, and my wisdom. However, my friend’s wisdom –  in this moment taught me how to be wise. It taught me how when I am at m lowest point to embrace someone in love and just acceptance, is the very best  action of love. To just be present for them, regardless.  That night, we never spoke much,  I didn’t pour my heart out and all my business.  But her presence, just meant the world to me. For me, wisdom and love, really are not far  apart. In fact, they are like semi- cousins. I  also found out that I don’t have to know all the details, I just need to love on them.  There’s a time and a season for everything, and sometimes knowledge isn’t necessary. She didn’t know, and still doesn’t know what I was experiencing that evening, but what matters is that I  knew she was there, and that she loved me. To me, that’s agape love. The God-kind of love. From this one action, I have found that I can love people without words, in such an amazing way, and that it involves just seeing that their soul is so worthy of love. This type of ‘friend -awareness’ has allowed me to be the same kind of friend. It’s also give me a greater burden to be a mentor to my sisters in Christ.   And any other women who need advice in any shade, color or form. I am not particular to them  knowing and loving God, first… I just need to know they are open to my might shining in that regard if I have to share an occasional miracle. On a lighter note, I am wise because I am clever. Cleverness is not  a word I use very much n my vocabulary, yet I find very attractive. My husband is rather clever. It was attractive to me from the first day I met him. And his cleverness tends to rub off on me at times. Cleverness involves, quick wit, charm, and  wise words, and at times a bit of playfulness. Perhaps the playfulness is the most fun. Being clever involves finding  a certain resourcefulness from within. It’s understanding how to use integrity to teach someone by not reacting. It also involves  not  stooping to a level of  personal embarrassment or  ignorance  because someone else does. Not allowing their impulsive demeanor, unkindness and lack of integrity move me with words. I think I learned how to be clever once I  decide din my mind I didn’t care what others thought about me. It was freeing.  I decided that once I had made up my mind, and it made sense and I had  filtered it through my wisest  friends, and they were in agreement, it was well. And no one’s opinions mattered. My clever quick wit would then pounce back on others when they had comments  or opinions about my  actions in which they did not agree. I admire folk who can take judgment and  crush it as soon as someone swings it at them, and  keeps on  walking without shame or resentment because they are confident they are in a good place. I am wise because I am contemplative. Contemplation is one of my favorite things to do. As an introvert, I tend to find myself when I contemplate. Whether it involves speaking to myself, my heart, and pondering the actions of my day I find rest in re-evaluation. If I don’t do re-evaluate, I become restless. What is in this restless space? Unawareness? A lack of purpose? Dis-alignment? Is that why when I am not looking within, I falter? I get nervous, my anxiety peaks, or I have a loss for words? I prefer contemplation in order to help me rest. I may not have even realized the extent to which I depend upon what I call : “finding center” Laraine Herring in the book: “Writing Begins With Breath: Embodying your Authentic Voice”, says after the basic needs of food air, water and shelter are met, most of our actions and behaviors stem from a need for love, compassion, understanding and emotional safety.” I find that interesting, because that means if this is true, most of what I seek, when I look within, is about finding self-love. (Read about  my  self love and being enough in another story, here.) I must say however; some of the most unwise persons have hurt me. have been unreasonable,  inattentive ungraceful and  ill-mannered people I know, because they lacked compassion.   Indeed, perhaps this scripture measures up when wisdom is most attractive: “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” (Psalm 85:10) If you enjoyed reading this  excerpt, please take the time to  read the series: Completely Validated & Meditative Thoughts on ‘Being Enough.’ , which will soon be an audio course and workbook series online . Interested in learning more about being enough and reading more about it? Contact me below for more info on the  Kamau Care Meditative Series! For a small price of $15.00, you can have the e-book series audio format where you can download and listen as you go!