Desolate or Fullness?

mi familia

I’m the ‘baby’ of the fam.. what that means is you often feel “special” when you grow up… and even when your don’t feel special- you feel special because your have a lot of favor, with everyone in the fam. For this reason I’ve favored, I believe ‘special relationships” have always been like really important to me. Growing up, I would try to make every kid I know feel special… especially the little friends I had who were easily hurt by words because they didn’t look like everyone else, smell like everyone else, or have a family like everyone else.

They

The ‘friends’ I knew would be people lI found time to be kind to because I knew they didn’t have the same resources I had, or seemed lonely. My mother noted that when young, I was really compassionate. I didn’t understand how people who had so many needs could be treated so unkind by others. It just didn’t seem fair. And so, whenever I could, I would try to smile or talk to them and just be a kind face and notice them. My mother taught me the importance of kindness. She was a teacher, and would take me to school sometimes with her and she’s show me how to treat the kids kindly – because some of them had special needs, in her classroom setting. I learned how to be considerate of others, very young. My mother didn’t know, (or perhaps she did know) that I was a “social worker in the making.”

Family was important to me when i small, and still is important. Several of my siblings are compassionate. I have a sibling who have bee pastors, another who’s been a coach, and several who are social workers in my family. When I was little my big brothers and sister were ‘everything’ to me. This ‘specialness’ I found came with certain privileges- and because of the privileges – I’ve always was wanted to be around them, up under them, would try to sleep in my brothers rooms often and my sisters , too…at times. Some would call it spoiled, other would call it ‘well-loved’.. and whatever it was , i’m learning today, it was really ok. It didn’t ruin me. This kind treatment showed me how to love on’ folk. And that was just plain ole’ goodness.

I remember most of this goodness as being special memories with my family- how as a family we’d go on long car rides to the country ; and go to cabins in the woods ; trip rides to LaGrange, GA and do things together as a fam… because that was family to us. I just loved being with my family.

Family was so special, It never occurred to me that one day I wouldn’t have my own biological children. I am grateful for those who have become family, for me and weren’t even related to me. My womb did not naturally produce my own children, and this is huge. I have what i consider to be “children” who are mine, and others have birthed – yet they are my kids, because spiritually I’ve played a huge part in their development. ( They may not know it, but I’ve been there.) There’s a scripture in the Bible that says: “more are the children of the desolate one-she will have many more children.”Galatians 4:7 This means something to me. (It means I have more children than I really know.)

I searched the word ‘desolate’ & it led me to the word agape. Agape means a “God-kind of love”- in the purest sense of the word it means the highest kind of love you can give humans. I had to pause here, because it made me think less about what I didn’t have, and although children were never born from my womb; the children I couldn’t have – gave me a greater love that was borne for those who needed it, perhaps even more than those born with their naturals parents. And “crossed my paths” they did! Crazy . Inasmuch as I would have loved to have bio children, the blessing of not having children has made me more spacious for welcoming and cherishing and inviting more ‘children ‘ in – more space to love on and be warm and kind to those who come across my path to nurture more fully.

Agape love is a love that’s redemptive; lasting and eternal. It’s more than enough. Hmm…Fits perfectly.

Grateful to know God chose me as His ‘carrier’ of such love. I’m definitely feeling the impact and the grace it’s left over these 54 years of life and in my profession, ministry and life path. As a teacher, professor a social worker, chaplain, leader, diversity trainer, missionary, therapist and life coach… life has shown ‘my children’ to have so much more because I had the precious time to invest in them.
Selah.🦋

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Giving from a deficient place.

I’m reading a devotional , and in the devotional it speaks about giving from a deficient place. And I that deficient place, it says more shall be provided than you’ll know. Interesting that ‘lack’ can have an almost amazing fulfillment.

It makes me think about how my esteem used to be really low. But then, I’d go to school with my mom who was a teacher.

And I was famous for a day.🌺

It’s So odd how true truth rests in how we perceive and how we are received. Receiving unexpectedly, like being in the right place at the right time, makes you feel valued. As a spiritual principle, being valued can exceed your imagination .

It gives you strength, affirmation , acceptance, worth. Wholeness …smiles, warmth.

And most of all, LOVE.🌺

When I was younger, my moms would take me places . She’d give me all these new experiences . I’d go to the beach, I’d travel to the library, I’d take days off to go on fields trips with her school, and her school children. She was not just my own Teacher. She was THEIR teacher . And some of the kids would just STARE at me. Like wishing they could go home with her too.’ Like … ‘what made HER so special that she hung out with my teacher?’

I learned from my Momma the power of making people feel special. It made you famous . Well.. sorta. Lots of people like you when you make them feel worthwhile. And make them smile.

Not that life is all about that, but… YOU feel good too when you make them smile inside . For this reason, I thought I wanted to be a teacher, too.

Then I changed my mind once I was in a room with a bunch of kids. Couldn’t handle it.

Decided I’d spend maybe a few hours with them, yet still be their teacher . How could i do that?

Oh! ( Be a school social worker!)

And that was my longest job.

I learned so much about kids and how to water them and make them grow. I learned a lot about myself, too. And what I needed to grow.

Value yourself , today🌺.

You deserve it.

And don’t settle for anything less.

Quite longingly… they would look…as if I were special. So i began to believe I was. 🌺 And they’d desire to play with me and be my friend, and sit right next to me. They knew I wasn’t a student in their class. And they knew I was a pretty special girl, if I’d come to their class, and belonged to Mrs Cox.

Q

I always wondered why it felt so special to be there .To experience the class as an outsider. As I think about that special feeling; I now know what they saw. Value.💜

Read more about Value, here on my podcast, ShineBaby Shine!🌺

For me to see from a deficient space.

To see opposite of what everyone else saw. To see from a deficient space, and give from that special place.

January Gems💜🦋

Identity & Worth . It’s a subject my sisters are discussing at Mentor My Sister. My platform online, that strives for authentic women and authentic connection.

Identity-what gives me identity

What I spend time with – tends to give me identity . We can desire material wealth, cars, … to be in relationship with people and we can make idols out of all of them.

I have value in relationships, so I will share what comes up for me as I make mention of my value of several relationships I have, currently. Mainly they’ve been friends family and my spouse; but also mentorship .

My Family has given me identity. Now that i live closer to them, I have more opportunity to be influenced by them. You see, whether I cherish them or not. It’s up to me to decide if I’ll carry out a legacy of good or evil.I always say, if there’s good, make it better . And if it’s not good, make it exceptional.

My Spouse is one who influences my identity . How we make decisions together, dream together… LIVE together makes a difference and influences my identity .l and my children’s identity as well.

Friendships influence my identity . Whether I choose mentors, leaders, friends who live models lives or just have the challenge of daily survival, I can learn from them. I make space for mentors and people to influence me. I need leaders to pour into my life, so I find out where they are, and I serve, or join them in their discussions, or create them.

Mentorship . Being mentored and mentoring others has brought great value in my life . I really enjoy having conversations about life with other leaders, friends and women who desire authentic relationships.

Here are a few mentors in my life

Here are three places I’ve learned from other in my life :

1. Trees .

I was in South Africa in May, of 2003 and i was teaching in a classroom about dreams. A teenager said to me: /“We Are All Like Trees.” I resounded after that encounter , because I realized I’ve always loved trees. The strength , growth and resiliency tees represent inspire me. I have never seen trees the same , since.

2. My African Heritage Family.

I found identity in my African Heritage family. There’s a woman I know named Joyce Shabazz. She created a forum of people and a platform about people regaining their culture and heritage and finding value in what they see and experience, again.

I attended for five, maybe six years a platform that help me transcend racism, my thoughts about my identities as wife, female, being oppressed, internalized oppression, my inadequacies about being African American, and I re-claimed myself.

The process and journey has been amazing. I’ve gained new international friends and I’ve learned new experiences I’ve gleaned and kept treasures forever sealed in my heart. I’ve come up a lot, and now I mentor others on perspective.

3. My Worth –

Where have I found worth and value?

What foundations have I established my worthiness upon?

For years I pondered this. Growing up in an alcoholic family, My vision of myself and who I was was altered. It wasn’t my truth. It was an attempt to destroy my truth . I once was a girl of low self – esteem, insecurity and felt very inadequate . However I no longer espouse those characteristics .

And today, I have evolved. I was determined to change the depiction of what my worth and value set as a template from birth to 20 years of age. Once I gained a determination of the will and had mentors in me that saw in me the greater good, and encouraged it- I realized I could truly be my best self. I reached for opportunities to be better: attended a historically black college , Howard University, experiences ethnicity in a new way, was determined to learn about my heritage, visited South Africa, ignored and distances myself from hate, and envy and people who represented this at all costs… and read books galore on the subject of identity , esteem and intrinsic value. And maybe my trips back and forth down the road to African Heritage, or a constant re-evaluation of my life purpose ; or maybe my trip to Africa all influenced me in major ways.

Or maybe it was the fact I didn’t allow Opportunity to pass me by.

Perhaps I reached for it with eager anticipation, and it became my friend. My mentor . My tutor.

Yes, Opportunity became my Teacher.