Becoming Bolder.

I took a month – in December – to just quiet my mind. To stop the life of busyness that requires similar patterns of nothingness. To consider what’s important, and to befriend myself again. And I found something.

Treasures. I remembered why I existed. I found rest again. Inner rest. Physical rest too – but that was secondary. I remembered again what made me smile. Where comfort was. And hope, most of all – was renewed.

I also found comfort in encouraging friends. Some who were not doing so well, but others who were. And were practicing gratefulness -(as I was ) and reading up on issues that enlighten and encourage . I also found those friendships to be invaluable. And in my reaching found new friends. With inspiring and positive perspectives. Of course, my husband as friend – and beautiful were the conversations of my friends of accountability, fun and the friends who keep me focused.

I even asked myself: “Where have you been that you became distant, and untouched?” How did you get here? Where and when did the shallowness enter in? I don’t consider myself shallow by any means; yet as I considered the terrain lack of depth – the hard work I had not purposed myself to accomplish recently – I was unsatisfied.

So – I disconnected.

I usually am one who self-evaluates with regularity – however; my life had become so consumed with ‘living’ – I forgot about myself. Life began to fill up with “uncompassionate things” and issues that don’t really matter in the fullness of time. And gosh – fear – it seems to come in waves and tries to gather all the faith I ever built up within my soul – into a ball and this fear – caused me to retreat. So life takes on this form that tends to blend everything together, again.

And the cycles of life continue.

I have to retreat again.

So… I decided to step out and be BOLDER.

I was reading Michelle Obama’s book : “The Light We Carry” – she speaks to our “differentness”… and finds great value in being different. She says there’s essentially a certain kind of strength in differentness: “Your differentness will often precede you in to a room and people see it before they see you.. she continued by saying .. “ you figure out how to guard your energy, to count every step. And at the heart of this lies a head- spinning paradox: Being different conditions you toward cautiousness, even as it demands that you be bold. “

I love being different. So, now, I want to reach for being bold. The older I become, and the more time I spend with myself, the more I find I really like myself. And liking yourself is a good thing.

Take some time to consider why you are here on earth, what’s meaningful, involves connectedness with your purpose. There , you will find center.

I find myself – in centering myself.

Often.

I mean, this world will rattle you. it will shake you off your rocker. If you let it.

Did you know the opposite of the word ‘centered’ – is inhumane? So heck, I am trying to do everything I can to remain centered. And to be in tune with my God, myself, and the life I have been given here on earth. And how I have been positioned to serve.

Michelle’s words rung with me about being “bold”. There’s definitely a demand on my life at this juncture of a new year : enter 2023, … that I be BOLD.

And I have been so afraid to really be bold. Bold in being 55 years of age, bold in noticing my strengths and occupying them fully, bold in trusting my intriguing personality and creativity for all its worth.. I could go on.. but I don’t want to share all that here, cause I’m still discovering…( smile)

But you know what?

I am delighted.

I sincerely feel I am on to something pretty powerful. I have begun to practice principles and habits that energize me; make me happier, help me to smile, and find joy. And it is beginning to resound. And feel good inside. Not like the unraveling uncomfort of not being & feeling centered, of feeling inhumane and uncompassionate.

So finding joy and being bolder is just where my life shall reign in 2023.

And I think I will stay here til a miracle happens. (Or two..)

Selah.

Oh yeah, my word for 2023 is BOLDER.

And my phrase: “I can be bolder, and I will be better.”

I will keep you up on the journey of where the better happens and also the boldness.

Happy New Year. And thank you, 2022, for being you.

Advertisement

Sabbath Love

 I do Sabbath, sometimes..

I just take a day of rest and  do  what I want. Mostly I spend time in  quiet meditation, and find solitude. But lately , I have taken joy in this.

Self-care used to be hard for me. I have a very busy job and some days I get going and don’t settle at all til the evenings…rather late… Yet this picture here helps me find that and remember it. I try my best to make Sundays a Sabbath. The last few Sundays I have been pretty  good with this goal. I’ve been successful in finding rest. Some try to often make us feel guilty for resting, but no, not I.   For me, Sabbath is a place of resolve. And if I cannot find it at  all…in any given day, then something’s wrong  with my time management and  self-care paradigm. I don’t care who tries to make me feel guilty, I won’t accept it.

Even from my husband .

(And he’s the one that initially turned me on to Sabbath!  Interesting how  easily we  can  get out  of routine, huh….)

Want to rest with me on Sunday?

Here’s how  I do rest:

•  I  get a  cup of tea.
•  I spend time with  a friend that may like to contemplate or  quietly write.
•   I  go to  a cafe’ and   drink and  journal.
•  I  spend time if it’s nice outside –   drinking  in the sun.
•  I  spend  time  near  a  body of water or in nature .
•  I  read a good book in a  quiet corner.
•  I   laugh.  I  find a   comedy movie,  a friend  who likes to tell  jokes,  and just  chill.
•  I  gather  perspective and I may  go to yoga.
•  I  catch up with a friend or spend time  writing a letter to them.
•  I  scrapbook.
•  I have a pajama day.

Please read this blog by Shelly Miller it’s on time for learning about how to rest. http://redemptionsbeauty.com/sabbath-society/

.
 Keri Wyatt Kent is one of my favorite authors of books called: “rest.” Her blog is here:
http://www.keriwyattkent com is another good Sabbath blog.

 

Why not join me and rest?
Share every Sunday how you take time to relax in the weekend.
Thanks for reading. And sharing!

“The Voice of the Mother

“The voice of the mother is kind, soft, serene, nurturing, warm.  
The voice of the mother is instructional, healing, 
encouraging
The voice of the mother watches out for her young,
Tailors their lives on the path of hope. 
The voice of the mother warns her babies of harm or danger of the need for safety.
The voice of the mother brings life to death situations.

The voice of the Mother is guidance, 
She arms her young wisdom, endurance, love and description. 
The voice of the mother teaches, shares, develops. The voice of the mother is stirring, firm, positions, directs –
The voice of the mother reaches, questions, inquires, searches and mends.  
The voice of the mother is empowered, informed by struggle and ensures by experience – is focused.

The voice of the mother is growth . 
The voice of  the mother stills, quiets, hushes brings attention. 
The voice of the mothers sings .

Is beautiful lovely .
 A fragrant,  comforting
 the voice of the mother is peace.

-Nthabiseng

Cousins.

Cousins. We’re pretty special. We look like each other but don’t live in the same houses, unless our parents saw fit. We remember the fun we had at dance parties, staying up late all night playing monopoly and board games…

We grow up and we move apart, yet as youngsters they felt like siblings sometimes . Today, we are not without around them much, but it doesn’t take much to feel close again.

And when we are around them, amazing how much it feels like another extension of us.

We have weathered storms together, losses and sometimes feel like friends.

Cousins are great people and ‘places’ to be… sometimes .

We shared sleepover, birthday parties, slumber parties with friends and cousins meeting our friends for the first time – and riding bikes, cookouts and races in the street. We even traveled far and near to see each other on regular family holidays.

Thankful for cousins, today.

They are our mirrors of memories.

Call or write that long lost cousin, today and send some love.💕

Porch Stories…

So …today I’m home from work and just taking a day. And quite pensive.

I’ve had a completely FULL week and it took more emotional, mental and physical strength than I’ve exerted in quite some time. Sitting and allowing the sun to hit my feet and soak up sun, is just: peaceful.

There were transitions for people in my life and who were ordained to cross my paths. And whether by prayer, conducting acts of service, or simple conversation,… I completed the tasks – so I’m worthy of the much needed rest.

Sometimes I’m not fully aware how much virtue leaves me when I’m completing such tasks. This led me to blog a bit about this story of being tasked to “assignments” versus being tasked to “a job“. I realize there is a difference.

There’s what some of us call: employment and then what employs us- that being a call to work in conjunction with other to fulfill their own destiny.

And that was last week, for me.

So .. that’s all folks.

So think about it: Which are you fulfilling?

Your calling or your assignment? Or are you working in futile places, barely being fulfilled?

Do we need to pursue our calling so that we can complete our full assignment?

Who assigns it anyway?

Is it us, …. God…or the ” little gods ” we serve: (work, people, houses , cars or the things we own):

And …what can you do to ‘reduce yourself’ to less of what you desire, so that your life might be full?

Selah.

Did you enjoy this reading? If so, visit my newsletter and get regular updated reading in which you can practice self- actualization exercises. We are located at the Mentor My Sister site, simply click here.

Feel.

I guess I could’ve chosen another word this month, for July to focus on, but as a Nation, I believe this is where we are. I chose “Feel“.

America is changing. There are many things that have occurred that causes trauma to bring out actions that were once hidden and contained in one space – to open up into the main arena- which often is the community, at large or even small communities as of late.

The mass murders that have occurred over the past few months have caused me to put a few projects on hold and to take take to be present to you feelings, lately. I am not feeling just for myself, but I find myself feelings for others, as well.

The victims, the perpetrators, the communities affected. And I’ve been doing the only thing I know how- which involves prayer, and open lamenting. Open lamenting involves talking about the grief , and the actions and behaviors and losses I don’t quite understand. I choose to feel.

I am still feeling. And possibly will be all year- who knows… Because someone has to. Someone has to make the things people numb out to – be at the forefront. And if that’s what I do by writing, so be it.

Someone has to speak to the pain, the hurt, the challenges, the shifting of this world as it evolves. Sometimes faster than we are changing ourselves. Someone has to respond with love, encouragement, to love this life with freedom even when it seems it’s too risky to go out in communities for fear of being harmed.

I used to live on the Arkansas River in Tulsa, Ok. And this photo above was a place where I considered to be my safe space. When things began to shift and change, I would walk the path alongside the river and it would calm me. Until one day the river overflowed its banks. And it was in my backyard. We had to move. We shifted. And not reluctantly, at all. We just knew it was time. So together, we shifted with the way life was leading us.

Even as things shift and change in your life, find yourself safe space. As life shifts and challenges, you and atrocities happen all around. Remember also what “centers” you. Remember to ” give thanks” even when it’s hard to. Keep a heart of gratitude.

We need to have a certain level of adaptability to life, when things shift. We cannot choose numbness, or indifference, or ” anger” as our way of dealing; because it may cause self- sabotage, or systemic sabotage, or even resentments and hate. We have to tap into where love is. We cannot freeze up. We must feel.

Pray. Cry. Deal with and talk about how you feel about women’s rights, death, loss, grief, murder. Don’t distance yourself, don’t ‘veg out’ on TV.

Feel. Believe. Trust.

Even if believing is a challenge.

Choose to feel. Allow yourself to breathe. Because when challenges sometimes happen , the first thing we do is hold our breaths.

Forgiveness.

photo by You Are So Beautiful Photography

So I don’t write on forgiveness often. But I do read about it. And I do have conversations on it.

Because its complex. And recently I had a conversation with a group of people about it and I had an epiphany : Forgiveness is an act of self-love.

That it’s a gift to myself to not take on the burden of stress, overwhelm and complexity of being hurt.Choosing to be present to life and living it with purpose, intent and joy. Not resentment, fear and discontent.

It’s freeing when you can notice what helps you to thrive, and man, to be honest- unforgiveness isn’t what helps you thrive. It negates your spirituality- your Oneness with the God of Creation. And ,your inner being is at the core – to be kind, gracious, loving hopeful, and at peace. And to practice all that in the humility of loving yourself first. This is completely impossible if I forgiveness is in the way.

And i’ll be damned – excuse my French~but choice words can be literal- if I allow a ‘person or persons’ to steal that level of self- love within me, then it’s a slow death, for me..

But how do we know the level of self-love within? If all we have ever experienced is harm and hate and displeasure? I believe it begins with acceptance of the things we cannot change. The Serenity prayer. The wisdom to know the difference. Surrender. Even to things we don’t like, want or need. Finding rhythm, despite the tumult.

I do not have all the answers- but I do have experience. It can be discovered. And discovery with forgiveness takes much courage and faith.

No… we cannot forget about the harm and the pain and the years of disgrace and the numbness that wants to forever keep us hidden and “feeling” safe… however, that really isn’t safety. If you thought it was, you’ve been misinformed.

Seek Safety. Safety begins with an act of volition. of choosing to ‘say yes’ to you- to being your own healing by forging a path of self- honesty that says : “ I matter”. First.

And that’s where forgiveness begins.

With self-prioritization. And once you realize your healing and freedom is wrapped up inside of it- you will release everything that comes in opposition.

Yet you must realize your worth, first.

Selah.

If forgiveness had a mantra: it would be:

I seek Healing.

I seek Wellness.

I am Worth.

I am Content.

I Matter.

I Belong.

Me First.🌺

Quiet.

Quiet is my safe space. I get quiet, and my whole world changes. It’s wisdom for my soul.

I’ve learned over the years that quiet is not just a way of being. It’s a healthy place. A place where growth happens. A place where the world stops and all its ‘chaotic-ness’.

Quiet is a place of security. Where I become my best friend.

Quiet is where I practice self-love.

Quiet is hope for my future.

Quiet is a soft, soft, song. And sometimes without words.

Sometimes I go to this place knowing it will free me and rejuvenate me.

Other times it’s when I lack courage and need to nurture and feed myself only ‘good words’.

And then there are times when Quiet helps me rest. Long for myself and my identity , again. To remember who I am, ‘Whose‘ I am, … and where I belong that’s safe and calm.

Yeah, quiet is my best friend.

It’s a concrete and completely divine way of remembering

That I am special.

Ase’ .

Thank you, Quiet.

Encourage Yourself.

Wow… when life gets tough, where do YOU turn? Encourage is my word I chose to follow for April of 2022. ( It’s been a long April for me, and it’s only half way there.)

It’s been a tough one , this month, with the war in Ukraine, seeing all its devastation, and the people having to leave their country, I cannot imagine what that’s like – leaving all you have ever known, and having to uproot and move from your family to thrive again. As a contemplator by nature, I have found some of the news from this Ukraine war to be very moving, and at times I struggle trying to understand why someone could be so hard hearted towards a people who have done no wrong. On top of this, and a few other personal concerns during the month of April, have caused me to think about my family, my personhood, and my friendships in such a way that I have not considered before. I have been trying my best to be mindful.

What I keep coming back to, again and again is how mindfulness centers me, when situations in life are chaotic. I am a therapist, by profession, a mental health therapist – who has taken a long break from professional therapy, very intentionally – to do some healing myself. It has been the best decision for me, I am finding. I learned a lot about mindfulness, and I don’t think I have shared very much on this blog, about it. That may change significantly.

I have a very peaceful way of finding sleep, when I am a bit restless at night. I usually begin to imagine myself as a pebble, and I am skipping across a pond. Once I hit the water, (as a pebble), I imagine myself falling… and as I am falling , the waters surrounding me are multi-colored and beautiful , glistening and I just fall, until I find sleep. I am very present to what is happening around me as I fall – the colors, the sounds, and the ambiance. I may have to throw the pebble three or four times, but most often the first time, is the charm…and I am asleep. Just like that. It amazes me every single time how quickly I find sleep. I suggest you try it, if you have the same trouble, sometimes.

Mindfulness is how I stay encouraged, and to be honest, it can be quite the task. It takes time to cultivate, and develop the routine of it. So …I am recommending a really good book that’s helped me this month to stay focused. It’s called The Light Maker’s Manifesto – by Karen Walrond. Karen gives several interviews on the book of people who are activists in their own right – who just have a cause they live for, and they discuss a myriad of ways they remain faithful to their call and use mindful listening even, to stay present to the call. I LOVE THIS. In fact, I love everything about this book. Karen is someone I have been following on her blog ( http://www.chookooloonks.com ) for several years, and I have sincerely gleaned a lot about life, photography and living – for quite a few years.

The Lightmaker’s Manifesto – By Karen Walrond

In one section she speaks of how to maintain rhythm and how to take care of yourself in such a way that you thrive. And since “Rhythm” was my word last month, and I didn’t write about it, I thought I would share.

Essentially, she says five factors exist:

1. Cultivation of spirituality by leading a meaningful lifestyle. (And yes, that’s why I write this blog – to assist everyone that reads , in noticing what’s meaningful in life and sticking to your purpose within.)
2. Taking care of yourself physically, and tapping into the connection between your mind and body – so important. Tapping into the realization & connection between why my body was not aligned with my physicality over this past year – has been so enlightening and freeing for me. ( Mind you – I couldn’t do this alone- it took a bit of counseling to determine what I had to awaken to and acknowledge , in my own soul. )
3. Intentional intellectual stimulation. ( I love this because one of my “strengthfinders” characteristics is “intellectualization”. Sometimes perspective can be so freeing. It’s how we evolve. Grow. I love sharing with others and working on adjusting my mindset and gleaning from others’ mindsets.
4. Nurturing meaningful and constructive relationships within, and with others. I love that she says ‘within’ – so important to love yourself fully before you can love others.
5. And lastly, not being afraid of our emotions. Not denying or suppressing them. It s so interesting how being present in this day and age with so many distractions surrounding us, is what saves us.

So, I am quite thankful for this book, ( & finding resolve through it) after a long bout with Covid, wrestling with myself and my needs as a person in a midlife situation, being in counseling – taking a break from work, being a wife and a spiritual mother to many – and caretaker of my parents. It brought a lot into focus.

Stay encouraged,

Jenn

Did you enjoy this reading? If so, visit my newsletter and get regular updated reading in which you can practice self- actualization exercises. We are located at the Mentor My Sister site, simply click here.

Hello, …South Africa!

South Africa was a really fun place to be. Smiles everywhere… from the people and not just small smirks or blushes but bright, shining smiles that were pure joy!

For faces to light up after years of oppression, death and sadness showed me that people were really blessed find a secret joy that made them feel alive and free. Even the little brown children’s cheeks would glow red. It was like I was living in a dream, actually, because the people’s lives were so vastly different than my own.

I pondered this thought: after years of the suppression and oppression, that the people of South African descent would have loads of residue that would still exist – even ten years after apartheid ended its reign- which was when I visited. Internally, this may be true; however the fact remains that maybe also they were glad to finally be “free” and that joy is what resonated with me upon my visit.

There were several signs of poverty and the shantytowns ( row and rows of tiny homes and shacks made by those living in the villages) that had several holes in them that kept out some light- not all, but not the cold. I remember the chill of the morning in May of 2003, and seeing the cold of my breath, in the AM hours, and the tiny holes where sunlight came in.

I wondered to myself:

How do they rest, when it’s so cold? Then, I realized  REST in something developed within. It really doesn’t matter how cold you are on the outside, if you can  develop a peace within and contentment from  living in  a community with people who care for you. My South African friends taught me this.  I was only there for  three weeks, and  it feels like the lessons I learned were  forever lessons. 

 I can only imagine how difficult it was to sleep in a place like this in the winter.

Yet these smiling faces never stopped showing up .. time and time again…they were inspiring for me, hopeful and helpful. Even to me, as a visitor. At the time, I was facing an imminent divorce, as I returned to the states.

I can truly say,  the  people in this country inspired me, rejuvenated me, and sparked my joy once again. Their inspired living caused me to reach for more. To make certain I lived out the meaning of my new name: Nthabiseng -which means Make Me Happy.

Thank you, South Africa.

Ase’

Did you enjoy this reading? If so, visit my newsletter and get regular updated reading in which you can practice self- actualization exercises. We are located at the Mentor My Sister site, simply click here.