So when I decide to endure difficulty, I manage to “harness myself.” It’s a process.
And of course, I am not an easy person to manage. I once had someone tell me I was “high maintenance.”
I consider that a compliment. They just didn’t understand me. Looking back… I realize I was I literally a person of influence, and that “becoming” wasn’t my fault – they just didn’t understand how influence was made.
Influencers are complex. And it’s ok. I dont have to “become” like anyone else. I can be unique, and its ok.
Life in the wilderness….
If you look up one of the definitions of the word HARNESS in the dictionary – you will find these words:
“Harness” – to bring under conditions for effective use; gain control over for a particular end: to harness water power; to harness the energy of the sun. Archaic.
to array in armor or equipments of war.
So deep. “If I am preparing for a war…” I harness myself. I get all the right tools. Amazing.
I felt the grief of this war. It was saddening… painful. Yet freeing in many ways.
War… in fact means : “a state of armed conflict between different nations or states
or different groups within a nation or state.”
Fits perfectly.
I feel like this was what CoVid taught me to do: TO HARNESS myself.
Effectiveness is not taught always… sometimes its endured.
Other definitions are: to rein in, to “tackle, belt or fasten…” sounds Like a trip, right? )Haha)
Well… its interesting that when CoVid began I surely felt like I was on a journey. I knew if I didn’t arrest myself and begin to think about this as a journey, I might not make it through the journey. So… I put on my belt, and I endured.
Buckled up.
Prepared to be ‘sacked’.
Tackled some things.
Some I managed well.
Others… broke me totally apart.
Here are a few things I did for perspective:
I prayed hard.
I took the focus off myself.
I sat in complete quiet for an hour or more.
I napped a whole lot.
I talked to friends I loved.
I lamented with others who were hurting.
I prayed for “them”- whomever ‘them’ were…
I sat in the Sun.
Opened windows.
Went on snowy Walks.
Watched a lot of comedy.
Played with babies.
Prayed some more.
Talked to friends on the phone, & Zoom. {Zoom mostly}.
I cried.
Got lost in worship. {the most freeing…}
I went to random spots to eat, even while nervous.
I held a group on purpose.
I lamented to God and my husband, some more…
I spent time with old pictures.
I tried so hard to journal, …but it was hard.
I stayed up all night.. just writing and making new projects.
I prayed for everyone hurting from the death of George Floyd.
I prayed for George.
I cried some more.
I prayed for black men everywhere.
I prayed for the black men in my family.
I prayed for the 3 new baby boys in my family.
I prayed for their parents as they raised them.
I prayed for ways to find my voice amidst the pain.
I lamented to God.
I allowed myself to feel the hurt.
I thought deeply about hate… and how it kills.
I took care of my parents.
I focused on quality and not quantity.
I practiced gratefulness.
I took pictures with my camera.
I thanked God for the little things.
I changed my diet.
I thought a lot about my future.
I spent time working on projects.
I prayed for my enemies.
I trusted God and asked for a harnessing of my soul.
I am sure I did a whole lot more… but these things helped me quite a bit.
Selah.
Mentor💜MySister 